International Women’s Day is upon us, again. Every year, on March 8, womankind is celebrated almost all over the world, their achievements are lauded, they are pampered with gifts and so on and so forth. It feels nice to be appreciated, there is no doubt about that. It is when that we need a reminder to do so, when we have to set a day apart for it, that’s where the problem begins.
Being a woman in the twenty first century is hard. We have rewarding careers that we love (well most of the time). We also have families that need to be looked after – parents to care for, spouse to cherish, children to raise. We are poised between two worlds. One of these is from the past where a woman’s primary duty lay within the four walls of the home, when she was a wife and a mother even if she were professionally working. The other is the present day where women are increasingly taking control of their own destinies by striving for their dreams. Yet the yoke of the past till ties us down. The expectation of us is that we should all be superwomen, balancing home and work with consummate ease. But that is easier said than done.
Even today, in most families, it is the woman who is burdened with the mental load of getting things done. Yes, spouses are far more aware of their responsibilities and most of them do their bets to help around the house. But women do not need help, they need someone to share the load. They need to take up some of the work of their own accord and not wait for specific instructions to be given to them. The mental load is something that is invisible and, hence, is often overlooked. “All you did was cook the food” may be a common grouse from a husband tasked with the accusation that he does not pull his weight around the house. Umm no, that’s usually not true. The act of actually cooking the food is the only visible and quantifiable part of the process which starts with running through the list of things currently languishing in the refrigerator at the moment. Then comes a process of elimination, whereby the freshest items are set aside in favor of the food stuff that may be on the verge of expiry. Once what needs to be cooked is finally decided, its time to figure out how to cook it. Other factors matter here – like should it be a dry preparation to go with chapati or should there be some gravy for the rice that needs to be finished up as well. But then the kids wanted pooris and the husband wants to keep his cholesterol under control. By the time the meal prep actually starts, the lady of the house is already exhausted. I mean, it’s exhausting to even write this whole thing down. And this is not only for cooking – each and every task undertaken in a household has this kind of decision making happening in the background.
And now consider a scenario when the spouse decides to be an equal partner in the process. On Sunday, he looks into the refrigerator and draws up a list of what can be cooked over the next five days. And that is it. This one thing can reduce a wife’s mental workload drastically. Mornings are another great opportunity to lessen this load. Men, just take over one task – even something as simple as laying out your kids’ clothes the night before and making sure their bags are packed for school. Your wife, who is hurrying to pack lunches and prepare breakfast and get ready herself, will appreciate this one task taken off her plate. So this International Women’s Day, forget about those chocolates and flowers (don’t really forget, though!). Instead gift the women in your life a lessening of the burden that they carry around with them all the time. Please remember that women don’t want to be superwoman; they want to be considered as human, just like you. Happy Women’s Day.
